When I was being stupid as usual and was masturbating with pornography. I feel desperate and depressed. I have anxiety about this sin everyday and I keep having these negative thoughts about cursing God or walking away from the faith and I'm worried that I have a hardened heart. If we claim to know everything, that would be very arrogant. You are wanting to serve and love Jesus! Seeking companionship/love isn't wrong but the way we go about it sometimes is. I wouldnt consider it anything to worry about. My professor encouraged us to use common sense when analyzing who must apply which verses to their own lives. Hi Jaimie, Is it possible for you to talk with me. Well, you know what you dont want to do. Dont be afraid to answer honestly: do you view God as dangerous or safe? And I accepted it for a while and it brought me more fear and I would avoid looking at almost anyone. You wrote: "The litmus test to know if you are a truly reprobate person or merely a scrupulous person is toask how often you come back to God to seek reconciliation.". What we find in both categories is surprising! Again, this idea is echoed in Psalm 139: OLord,You have searched me and knownme.You know my sitting down and my rising up;Youunderstand my thought afar off.Youcomprehend my path and my lying down,And are acquainted with all my ways. I don't want to go to hell for all eternity for blaspheming the Holy Spirit. So I can understand at least a part of what youre going through. These thoughts came into my head and they are hard to get to leave. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. I just want it to come naturally to me when I bring up my faith. We come, and He changes us. This helped a lot! I've been going to therapy since August 2020 and it has helped a little with the addition of medication. This might be confusing. Each repeat session is an attempt to solve this bad feeling so that you grant yourself permission to move on. I think I've been backsliding, and since unwanted intrusive thoughts started things got much worse. So He called them toHimselfand said to them in parables:How can Satan cast out Satan? Or if I happened to remember did I say that? The second lesson for you to learn is that you need to ask God to help you to be bold about your beliefs, You sound like you may be kind of young, maybe under 35 years old. All the people were astonished and said, Could this be the Son of David?But when the Pharisees heard this, they said, It is only by Beelzebub, the prince of demons, that this fellow drives out demons (Matthew 12:22-24). Even nasty blasphemous thoughts against the Holy Spirit and God that seem to beat in the rhythm of everyday sounds. We walk by Faith, not by sight 2 Corinthians 5:7. YOU ARE WONDERFUL! Write CSS OR LESS and hit save. To whom was He talking? Even when I try to say that the devil performing miracles doesn't make sense because he can't do the genuine miracles that Jesus did, a nonsensical thought saying that God let him pops up. But when I mess up a sentence, it will go from what I meant to say to some how saying that I want God to leave me and I dont want Him to. I had focused so much on the blaspheming part that I forgot (or never knew/realized in the first place) that it also said speaking against the Holy Spirit is unforgivable.