Struggling to define your identity without them. "It can feel really good to help someone or to be understanding, and many people who tend toward codependency like to feel needed or that they are a good person," Lurie says. One, as I wrote above, is to talk directly with your friend and shed some light on whats going on and the way in which you believe you are both feeding into it. Codependent relationships often form when there's a perfect combination of personalities: One person is loving and caring, genuinely wants to take care of the people around them, and the other. Be firm, but not aggressive, with your friend about what you need emotionally or mentally. When you're worried that speaking up for your needs and wants may make someone upset, remind yourself that they're an adult, too. I was livid because I lost hours of sleep providing her with emotional support. Whether youre the giver (savior) or taker (victim) you may find that your friendship takes up all your friend oxygen. Whether you are the giver or taker in your friendship, the relationship can be saved as long as both parties are aware of the issues and are willing to make the changes. Are you featuring way down on the list of people to care for? If you find this shift difficult, it's wise to seek professional therapy for help, Marchenko advises. Going beyond the scope ofhelping to a point where you feel uncomfortableis where the problem lies. Enabling someones needy behaviors does them a disservice. How to have closer friendships and why you need them? Doing things you dont really want to do and feeling resentful about it later on. "If you've realized that your friend is often giving more than they take or that your friendship tends to revolve around you, first understand that your friend may not think that there's anything wrong," Lurie says. One reason for this may be that childhood trauma is often family-centered. She says, when there is an imbalance in the friendship, one might find themselves feeling drained or overwhelmed when talking or being around the friend. If you break this pattern and loosen up a bit you may get an odd feeling like youre in a friendship youre not used to that feels kind of strange or unnecessary. You feel your friends pain deeply (and maybe even feel sorry for her). from Brown University. My passion is reporting on individuals, faiths, nations, and situations that impact us all on the journey of life. These are some reasons why the enabler friend finds it difficult to set healthy boundaries or end the friendship altogether. You can conquer codependency. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. Unlike codependent friendships, healthy ones have "strong, established boundaries," Marchenko explains.